On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
