i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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