what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
