apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize