Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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