ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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