too bad you live with your parents still
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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