the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
