he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Did we literally take a cab across the street
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
