Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
