She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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