when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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