I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
