i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
