She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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