If you die in college, do you die in real life?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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