it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
