Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
