Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
