you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
