I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
