did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
