Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
