I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
