I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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