New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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