he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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