Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
