if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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