Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
