Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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