I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
40s are totally the cure
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
