I hope mine doesn't look like that
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
