So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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