I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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