Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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