The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
