Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
