ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Small penises have feelings too.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
