He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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