BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
