god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
