its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
