He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
