Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
