Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
