I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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