well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
