dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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