last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
