Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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