I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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