yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
