I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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