Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
