ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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