the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
