So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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