Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
