As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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