I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
