Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
