I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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