the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
