Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
