Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize