im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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