oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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