You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize