We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
