I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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