I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
