I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
