i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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