We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
