Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
